Imagined Love Read online

  just say so and I’ll go. I’m not gonna keep walking around this house on eggshells or keep trying to please you if you don’t wanna be bothered.”

  Miles ignored her and started walking up the stairs towards the front door.

  “Looks like I should’ve listened to Willa,” Anna remarked, knowing Miles would do anything to keep his ex-wife from being right. “When you decide something is the truth that’s just it, huh? You never saw anything inappropriate with me and Ricky or the guy at the store or any of the millions of men you accused me of being with!” she said, forcing tears out of her eyes. “Look, Miles, I married you because I love you and I wanna be with you forever. But you make it impossible to continue to feel that way with your insane jealousy and suspicions. So like I said, if you don’t wanna be with me just say it and I’ll leave you alone,” Anna cried, as she walked up the stairs and stared at him with a pouty face. Sucker, she thought when Miles’s facial expression softened and he reached for her hand. She wrapped her arms around him and planted kisses on his neck as he backed her into the house. “I love you so much, baby. Let me show you,” she whispered, leading him to their bedroom.

  To Anna’s surprise, Miles flung her around and squeezed her cheeks together so hard that she began to cry for real. “I don’t know what kinda fool you think I am, but let me assure you that I’m not one,” he whispered, inches away from her face. “You better watch yourself, little girl. You ain’t been living long enough to play this game with me. So I suggest you start acting like you got some sense and keep your ass in the house or I’ma show you something. You hear me?”

  Anna nodded yes and was relieved when he released her and walked back outside. She had definitely underestimated Miles and knew she’d have to be much more careful in the future. He was her cash cow and she wasn’t quite ready to let that go. So if playing the happy housewife was what Anna had to do to appease Miles then she was prepared to be the best little actress in the world!

  Jade had changed her clothes and went next door to work in the garden.

  “Hey, Miles,” Ms. Lynch called. “Do you mind if Jade comes inside to share some cookies with me? I baked a batch and thought we could have a few after all our hard work.”

  “No, I don’t mind,” he smiled. “Behave yourself, Jade.”

  “Okay,” she replied, knowing that meant to keep her mouth shut about their personal lives. Miles was all about keeping up appearances and would go to any length to keep his public persona in tact.

  About twenty minutes later, after Miles had gone inside, Ms. Lynch invited Jade into her home. “Listen, baby, I don’t have any cookies. I just wanted to talk to you about your mama. I know your daddy would have a fit if he knew I was telling you this, but I can’t stand what’s happening. Your mom hasn’t been abandoning you, baby. She’s been here a number of times, including today, trying to see you

  but your dad keeps her from you. He told me he was protecting you from her, and I believed him for a while, but when I saw how miserable you were without her I knew something was wrong. So I started watching him and I see what he’s doing. He tells your mama that you hate her and don’t want to see her then he tells you she didn’t show up and doesn’t want you. I don’t understand why a man would do such a thing to a mother and child but I can’t just sit back and let it happen. I talked with your granny a few times when she visited and I know she wouldn’t like what’s going on. She wanted you to come here to be taken care of, but I doubt this is what she had in mind.”

  “Ms. Lynch, may I use your phone, please?” she asked then called Willa.

  As expected, Miles put up a fight and refused to let Jade move back with her mother. It wasn’t until he actually looked into her eyes and saw how truly miserable and unhappy she was that he knew it was time to let her go. Besides, Miles needed the chance to figure out what to do about his marriage. Being divorced for a second time wasn’t what he wanted, but his relationship with Anna was all but over. He was losing everything and didn’t know what to do to stop it. More than anything Miles wondered if he’d ever be able to love anyone as much as he still loved Willa.

  “You might as well answer it,” Willa said, smiling at her daughter.

  The phone rang constantly once Jade moved back home and it was never anyone but Katrina. They’d missed each other terribly because Miles wouldn’t let them visit or talk to each other. In his opinion, Katrina was a manipulator who didn’t love anyone but herself—just like her mother. And Miles refused to have them anywhere around his daughter. Willa, on the other hand, loved Katrina and encouraged the friendship. Jade was much more lighthearted and playful when she and Katrina were together. She laughed and just enjoyed being a kid. And it wasn’t that Willa and Jade were unaware of the girl’s faults. They just cared enough about her to overlook them.

  As it turned out, Dorothea was the one calling and after she finished talking with Jade, asked to speak to Willa. That surprised Willa since she and her mother never really had much to say to one another. After Jamal died she thought they would be closer but things quickly cooled between them once Dorothea returned to Alabama. She and Jade were still very close and they wrote to each other every week.

  “Hey, Mama, how you doing?” Willa asked.

  “I’m doing alright. I was just in here sewing on something special. I’ve been working on it for about a week but it’s almost done now,” Dorothea said. “Listen, I know you and Jade on y’all way out so I won’t hold you long. I just need to talk to you for a minute.” She hesitated for a moment, nervously fidgeting with the phone.

  “I love you, Willa Ann. And no matter what it may have seemed like, I always have.”

  Willa dropped to the kitchen floor and watched the contents of her purse go flying in every direction! Tears poured down her face as she tried to convince herself that she’d actually heard her mother say she loved her. Dorothea continued by apologizing to Willa for not being the mother she should have been. She explained how she and her fourteen sisters had been brought up to believe all they were good for was being someone’s wife and the mother of his children. Dorothea learned early on that her dreams didn’t matter and that there were consequences for trying to live a life other than the one spelled out for her.

  Jade didn’t know what was going on but she sensed it was important. So she gave her mother a box of tissues before picking up the things off the floor and putting them back in Willa’s purse. Figuring they wouldn’t be leaving any time soon, she went to watch TV in the living room. Willa remained on the kitchen floor listening intently to her mother’s every word.

  “Your aunt Rose . . .”Dorothea’s breath caught in her throat and she began to cry. For a few minutes there was only the sound of sobs coming from both ends of the phone. Dorothea was finally able to compose herself enough to continue. “Your aunt Rose was just like you. She was one of them women that wanted more out of life then being a wife and mother and she went after her dreams with determination. She was so outgoing and full of life and believed she could do anything. And she believed I could too, even being a dancer like I used to daydream about all the time. Every night before we went to bed, Rose would ask me to perform just for her. And when I finished she would clap and cheer and sometimes even cry and tell me I was her superstar. I honestly felt like that was the best part of my day. It was the only time I ever truly felt happy.

  “But that all ended the night Big Mama caught my little performance and beat us both like we stole something! She told us to get them foolish thoughts of being famous out our head and worry about finding a husband to take care of us,” Dorothea said. Willa could hear the pain in her mother’s voice. “That beating pushed Rose towards her dreams even more because she was like you and she never let nobody tell her what she couldn’t do. But I never danced again after that night. I did what Big Mama told me and I learned how to cook, sew, and satisfy a man. I also learned how to keep my mouth shut and pretend like I didn’t see what was happening around me.

&
nbsp; “I was miserable and unhappy for most of my life. And I swear I never wanted that for either one of my babies. I swear I didn’t, Willa Ann,” Dorothea sobbed. “But I thought if I could just get you to stop rebelling and do what I said I could save you in the way I didn’t save Rose. It never had anything to do with me

  not believing in you. I’m your mama and I always knew you could do anything you set your mind to. You ain’t never been afraid to try and that terrified me.”

  “But why, Mama?” Willa sniffled.

  “Because your aunt Rose was just like you and it got her killed! And if I hadn’t been the one encouraging her to go after her dreams then she would still be here!” Dorothea cried.

  Willa was confused. She didn’t understand how her mother could think she was responsible for the car accident that killed Rose. She wasn’t even in town when it happened. And what did encouraging her to go after her dreams have to do with anything?

  “See, baby, my sister didn’t die in no car accident. John killed her ‘cause he couldn’t control her!” A loud gasp escaped Willa’s throat as she finally understood why Dorothea had been the way she was towards her. “He and everybody else felt like Rose’s place was in the kitchen, bare foot and pregnant. But that ain’t the life she wanted. Ever since we was little all she ever talked about was owning her own business. She loved planning weddings and family reunions or anything where people came together to celebrate and be happy. That was definitely her talent and she worked hard to see that dream come true. No matter how many times John threatened her or tried to sabotage her plans, Rose kept on fighting until she got what she wanted. And I encouraged her every step of the way and ‘til this day I feel like I got her killed. I was the oldest sister and I should have warned her and protected her. I should’ve talked some sense into her. I should’ve known John would . . .”

  “You did what you were supposed to do, Mama,” Willa said, with pride in her voice. “Aunt Rose needed your love and support and you gave it to her. And I believe she was happier pursuing her dreams for her short time here on earth than she ever would’ve been doing anything else. He killed Aunt Rose, Mama. You loved her the way she needed you to.”

  “I hear what you saying, baby, and I ‘preciate that. It’s just a hard thing to let go of, you know? When Rose started doing well John couldn’t stand it. And when she left him and refused to come back, he shot her down like a dog in her office! And from that moment on I always feared what a crazy, out of control man could do. Even if you left him, he could still hurt you. So I believed it was easier to just do what a man wanted than to make him mad. And I know it infuriates you to hear me say that but it was the only way I knew to keep you safe. But here’s something I want you to know, Willa Ann. I always been on your side. It might not seem that way to you, but everything I ever did was to protect you . . . with Miles, Justin, and Charlie Mays too! I never doubted what you said about him, baby. Never! You don’t live with a man all those years and not know what he capable of. But I made sure he paid for what he did to you. I promise you he paid for it!”

  By that time Willa was nearly hysterical and didn’t know what to think. There appeared to be a whole lot she didn’t know about her mother.

  “See, when I was growing up Big Mama always had a bottle of antifreeze in the pantry. And it wasn’t until I married your father that she finally explained to me what it was for. I swear to you, Willa, I thought that woman had lost her mind! But then Charlie Mays hurt my baby and I finally understood.

  “For a week straight I greeted him at the door with a special glass of his favorite iced tea. And I made sure he drank every last drop of it before I brought his dinner on a platter. Oh, honey, he thought he was the king around there having his wife wait on him hand and foot. And I enjoyed every minute of it knowing it wouldn’t be long before he was rotting in hell!” Dorothea admitted. “So on that last day when he had his uh, heart attack, I just sat there, smiling and humming like I couldn’t hear him gasping for me to call somebody. You should’ve seen his face when I told him I had already called the devil to come get him for what he did to my baby! I think ole Charlie Mays was genuinely shocked. His eyes got all big and he kept pointing at the glass. So I said, ‘Oh, you want some more tea, sugar?’ And I laughed until that bastard shut his eyes for good! I put up with a lot of stuff from some really nasty and vile men. But ain’t nobody gone get away with hurting my babies! Nobody! Even Miles got a little taste of what would happen to him if he ever put his hands on you again!”

  Willa’s hands were trembling so badly she almost dropped the phone! Was her mother really saying she had killed Charlie Mays? And that she would’ve killed Miles too? No, that couldn’t have been right. Yet, the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. Willa hadn’t known Charlie Mays to be sick a day in his life then all of a sudden he dropped dead of a heart attack? And then one day Miles just magically learned how to keep his hands to himself? As bizarre and inappropriate as it would have been to do so, Willa actually wanted to laugh! She didn’t, though. Instead she cried. Willa felt like she had wasted so many years hating her mother and was convinced Dorothea hated her too when it turned out she had loved Willa all along.

  “Here’s how I looked at it,” Dorothea continued, snapping Willa back to the present. “I could’ve left him and ended up back in Big Mama’s basement. I could’ve reported him knowing the police wouldn’t do a thing about it. Or he could just die and leave us with insurance money that would pay off the house and take care of all of us for years. I thought door number three was the better option.”

  “So how come you didn’t give me the recipe?” Willa managed to laugh.

  “Because you might’ve killed us all!”Dorothea laughed loudly. “Besides, there are consequences to pay when you put yourself in the place of God, baby. I know Mae died because of what I did. Not a day goes by that I don’t carry that guilt in my heart,” she cried. “After her funeral I remember asking why it couldn’t

  have just been that other one. Why couldn’t Charlie Mays been the only one to die? That vile bastard was the one who deserved to have his face bashed into a tree! Not my sweet, innocent Mae Louise. But I knew the answer to that one. And I used to think going to jail was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But nothing is as bad as the prison I been in all these years knowing my baby had to go in the ground because of me. I would never wish that on you, Willa. And you don’t want that. Trust me, baby, you don’t want that.”

  “I’m so sorry, Mama,” she said, sincerely. For years Willa believed she was “the other one” Dorothea had been referring to.

  “I’m sorry too, Willa Ann. I truly am. You deserved much better than what I gave you. I was just so terrified of you ending up like Rose that I made a lot of bad decisions trying to keep it from happening. But I was wrong and I should’ve encouraged you to live your dreams. I should’ve helped you leave Miles the first time he put his hands on you,” Dorothea cried. “You so beautiful, Willa. And you strong and smart and I know you can do whatever you choose to do. I always knew it. Even when you used to drive me crazy, I admired you for your determination and strength just like I did Rose. And if I had it all to do over again, I wouldn’t let my fear of all the horrible things that could’ve happened keep me from supporting you the way you needed and deserved. I’m sorry, Willa, and I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me.”

  “I do forgive you, Mama. And I thank you,” she cried.

  Willa hung up feeling as if she and her mother finally had a chance at being happy in their relationship with one another. However, as was the case with most things in her life, it didn’t work out the way she’d hoped.

  7

  Chapter Seven

  Over breakfast the next morning Willa brought up the idea of her and Jade going to Alabama for Christmas. She was smiling as she rambled on about them taking a flight instead of driving so they could have more time to spend there. Willa wanted to show Jade some of the places she and Mae used t
o go to when they went there for the summer. Of course Jade was excited but couldn’t help asking what her granny had said to bring about such a change in her mother.

  “Well, baby girl, I’m not gonna pretend like everything is fixed between me and Mama because it’s not. She hurt me a lot. But after our talk yesterday I realize there are a bunch of things I didn’t know. Maybe if I had known back then it would’ve made a difference. I don’t know, but for the first time in my life I feel like we can actually have a real, meaningful relationship,” Willa began to cry.

  Jade wrapped her arms around Willa and squeezed her tight. “I’m proud of you, Ma. I love you.”

  “I love you too, baby girl.”

  Once they were done eating, Willa and Jade made plans for the day. Neither of them felt like going anywhere so they decided to have a lazy Sunday and lie around in pajamas watching television, eating their favorite snacks. By noon they were both starving so Willa climbed out of bed to make lunch. She was making grilled ham and cheese sandwiches when the phone rang. Jade was flipping through the channels when she saw that a Fred Astaire movie was about to begin.

  “Ma, I gotta make some popcorn because . . . Ma, what’s wrong?” Jade asked once she spotted Willa crouched on the kitchen floor cradling the phone. Tears were streaming down her face.

  “It looks like we won’t be going to Alabama after all, baby girl. Mama’s coming home to be with Mae,” she said, holding her arms open for Jade to collapse into as they cried together.

  It was Dorothea’s sister Vera who’d called to let Willa know what happened. Not long after she hung up from her daughter, Dorothea fell to the floor from a massive stroke.

  “I got all her papers and insurance information here with all the monies needed to get her back home. You know Dotty wanna be buried next to her baby so she got the plot and everything taken care of. She s’pose to be at the funeral home on Wednesday so you gone have to go down there and make sure they fix up her right. I sent the suit and her shoes and everything so she’ll look real nice, okay?”