Imagined Love Read online

  “Yes, ma’am. Thank you, Aunt Vera.”

  The fact that Dorothea had the foresight to take care of all her final expenses was a tremendous relief to Willa. There was no way she would have been able to

  have her mother shipped back to Gary or pay for the casket and the funeral itself. And it was quite clear no one else was planning to cover the costs. Willa’s aunts had a lot of opinions and demands but no money to contribute. With the exception of Aunt Vera, they all came with their hands out trying to stake claim over Dorothea’s belongings. That wasn’t really surprising, though. They’d always been that way.

  What was surprising to Willa was the amount of support she received from Miles. After Jade called to tell him what happened he was there in a flash to comfort them both. Miles had always loved Dorothea and he was genuinely heartbroken by her death. However, it was Jade who seemed to be taking it the hardest. She wouldn’t really eat or talk and appeared to be drifting through the day. Landon was the only one who could convince her to take a few bites of food and he’d run his fingers through her hair to help her sleep. Unlike Katrina, Alonzo, and even Willa, he didn’t try to force Jade to “snap out of it”. Landon just let her be, always making sure she knew he was there for her if she needed him.

  Friday morning, September 9, 1983, Trinity Baptist Church was filled to capacity with mourners coming to pay their final respects. After a beautiful service, the procession was led to Evergreen Memorial Park for the burial. Miles sat in the limousine between Willa and Jade holding their hands as they both rested their heads on his shoulders. They were still hand in hand by the guard railing when Dorothea’s casket was lowered into the ground.

  “Bye, Granny. I love you,” Jade whispered then tossed a white rose into the grave before walking towards Landon, Cicely, and Katrina.

  There was so much on Willa’s heart to say at that moment but she just couldn’t manage to get out the words. She had so many questions that would never be answered and so much to say that her mother would never hear. “Bye, Mama,” Willa mumbled then buried her face into Miles’s chest.

  Just as he had when she was a fourteen-year-old girl standing at her sister’s grave, Miles held Willa’s trembling body with all the strength he could muster. “I love you,” he whispered then kissed her cheek. “I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

  Willa looked into his eyes and was about to tell him she loved him too when she heard Craig calling her name. Mr. Matthews was the new man in her life—the one who was still waiting on an answer to his marriage proposal.

  “Hey, baby, I got here as fast as I could. You okay?” he asked, pulling her away from Miles. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to help you through this whole thing but I’m here now,” Craig said as they walked across the lawn and further away from her ex-husband.

  Wiping tears from his face, Miles kissed a white rose then tossed it atop the casket. “I promise to take care of them, Mama . . . both of them,” he said, as the grave diggers began covering Dorothea’s casket with dirt.

  And just like that, Dorothea Willa Mae Jackson was laid to rest beside her beloved daughter.

  Back at Willa’s house was like a zoo! People were coming by the herds with food, drinks, and stories about Dorothea.

  “Mom, can I go over to Katrina’s for the night? I’m tired of people asking me if I’m okay or stupid stuff like am I sad. I just wanna get out of here for a while, okay?”

  “Don’t you think you should stay here with your mom, sweetie? I’m sure she needs you right now,” Craig added.

  “I don’t know if you should speak on that subject,” Miles said. “If you hadn’t been off ‘taking care of business’ somebody else wouldna had to give Willa what she needs,” he smirked before taking a sip of his soda.

  “Yeah, baby, go ahead. I honestly wish I had somewhere else to go right now. Just promise me you’ll eat something, okay? You know Granny wouldn’t want you getting sick because you aren’t taking care of yourself. I’ll pick you up tomorrow, okay?” Willa gave her daughter a hug and kiss. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, Ma. Thanks and I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, Dad,” she said then gave Miles a hug and kiss.

  “Uh, bye,” Craig snapped when Jade walked passed him without saying a word. He had tried everything to get her to like him but she still didn’t. So he began to wonder if it was because she wanted her parents back together. It was very obvious that her father wanted them back together. Craig couldn’t stand Miles and wished for him to just disappear!

  Later that evening, once Miles had finally gotten the house cleared out, he told Craig it was time for him to go.

  “It’s time for me to . . . what . . . who you think you talking to, man? You don’t tell me to leave my girlfriend’s house!”

  “Well, Mrs. Caldwell asked me to get rid of everybody and she didn’t say except Craig, so that means you too. I’m sure it’s nothing personal. Well, I guess maybe it is since you should be the one person she wants to stay with her and she don’t. Oh well, I guess y’all can talk about it in the morning . . . or maybe later in the afternoon since she’ll probably be too tired to get up that early,” Miles smiled then threw Craig’s jacket at him. “Let me show you to the front door.”

  “You ain’t gotta show me a damn thing! Willa! Willa, baby, come here for a second,” Craig yelled, trying unsuccessfully to get around Miles. “Move out the way, man!”

  “I’m in the tub, Craig. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Craig was beside himself with rage but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Mountain Man Miles wasn’t going to let him by and it didn’t seem as if Willa wanted him to. The only thing left for Craig to do was insist that Miles leave too. There was no way in the world he was leaving the two of them alone. He began to realize that all the arguing they did was just a cover for the passion they still felt for one another and he wasn’t going to sit idly by and watch them give in to it. “Let’s go!” he demanded.

  “Fair enough,” Miles said, closing the door behind him. He even pulled off first and watched in his rearview mirror as Craig drove off in the other direction. “Chump,” he laughed.

  What Craig didn’t realize, even after he swooped around the block a few times to make sure Miles hadn’t returned was that he would be back. It took him a while to drive to his and Willa’s old stomping grounds to get tacos, donuts, a few pints of their favorite ice cream and some rum and Coke. Within an hour he was sitting beside Willa on her couch watching TV and talking just like they used to.

  “So what does Mrs. Caldwell think about you being over here all this time? I’d imagine she’s getting pretty pissed off about it.”

  “I doubt Anna cares at all. I surely don’t,” Miles said, as he poured them both a drink. “So what about you and this pipsqueak Craig? I know you not really thinking about marrying this cat, are you? There ain’t no way in hell I woulda let some other man throw me out of my own woman’s house! You woulda had to kill me to get me up outta here. Craig’s just a sorry, cowardly bastard and I know that’s not what you want.”

  “Oh really, and what is it that I want?”

  “You want a warrior that’ll go out and slay dragons for you then come home and hit that spot you like,” Miles smiled that big, mega watt smile at her. “You know what I’m talking about. And I know damn well pipsqueak ain’t doing it. If he was then you wouldn’t be sitting over there looking at me with those eyes begging me to take you to the back and do what I do.”

  “So that’s what I’m doing, huh?” Willa laughed.

  “You know it is.”

  “So you still think about me like that even though you got a young, hot little thing at home?”

  “Girl, please, I always think about it. Nobody does it better than you, Willa. You know that,” Miles said, staring into those eyes of hers. “You the only woman I ever loved and I’ll never be over you. Why you think I argue with you so much?”

  “I have no idea. I often wonder that myself.�
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  “I argue with you for the same reason you argue with me. As long as I can get you all riled up, I know you still feel it for me. If you didn’t still have that passion for me you wouldn’t care what I said. I know you, Willa . . . better than

  anybody. And if I had it to do all over again, I still woulda smoked you on the playground that day,” Miles and Willa laughed. “I still woulda fallen head over heels in love with you. I still woulda married you and had babies with you and lived my life with you. The only difference is I wouldna hurt you. The only thing I woulda hit is that spot you like,” Miles smiled as he wiped tears from her face. “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry I made such a mess of our life. We were supposed to be forever.”

  Willa didn’t know if it was his words, the fact that she was emotional, or the glass of rum and Coke that made her kiss the inside of his hands as he touched her face. She didn’t know what it was making her pull Miles closer so she could feel his lips on hers.

  After their passionate kiss grew more intense, Willa got up from the couch. “What are we doing, Miles? You’re married and I won’t be your other woman.”

  He pulled her back down beside him and caressed her face. “You’re the only Mrs. Caldwell I care about. I love you, Willa, and I know you love me too. We got this thing between us that just won’t go away. It’s why I came running and wouldn’t have been anywhere else in the world but here by your side. And it’s why you let me throw your man out so we could be alone. You love me, Willa,” Miles said, as he kissed her lips softly. “Say it. Tell me you love me,” he kissed her again. “Please, baby, say you love me and only me.”

  Whatever it was between them was too strong to resist. “I love you and only you, koala.” And with that, Miles carried Willa to her bedroom where they hit each other’s spots like no one else could!

  The first week after the funeral was very overwhelming for Willa. People were still dropping by her house with food and memories of how wonderful Dorothea had been to them. Initially Willa felt a sense of pride. Yet, the more she listened, the more her bitterness began to resurface. She didn’t understand how Dorothea could show so much love to everyone else and harbor nothing but resentment and anger towards her. The explanations she gave Willa during their last conversation just weren’t enough anymore. Even if she had avenged the wrong Charlie Mays did or put Miles back on the straight and narrow, it didn’t erase the fact that Dorothea had been mean and unsupportive the majority of Willa’s life. It didn’t heal the wounds she still carried from when she was a little girl. All it did was grant her mother the chance to die in peace and that made Willa extremely bitter. She felt like Dorothea got off easy and she was left to deal with everything that was dumped upon her.

  What she allowed to happen between her and Miles was weighing heavy on Willa’s mind as well. It was incredible, like it always was with him, but she knew it was a mistake. Miles was married, she was involved, and they had dragged Jade

  through enough junk with their neurotic relationship. It was no question that they still loved each other. However, the passion that kept drawing Miles and Willa back to one another was the same one that kept tearing them apart. At the end of the day, they both wanted very different things and that would always get in the way. So over a few cups of coffee and donuts, the former spouses agreed to love each other from a distance and move on with their own separate lives.

  The thing that upset Willa most was Jade’s unwillingness to feel better. She didn’t want to eat or talk or do anything other than mope around the house. And Willa knew the girl was close to her granny and that she’d be sad but she was fed up with the constant tribute to Dorothea! Jade spent hours in her room re-reading old letters and looking through pictures of her summers spent in Alabama. She acted like her granny was the only person in the world who loved her—the only one who mattered and Willa couldn’t take it anymore.

  Her plan was to talk to Jade and make her snap out of it but Katrina stopped by after school and Willa heard her daughter laughing for the first time since Dorothea’s death and hoped things would finally go back to normal. So she grabbed a bag of chips and a few cans of soda and was taking them to Jade’s room when she overheard part of their conversation.

  “. . . I wish she was more like Granny but . . .”

  “You know what?” Willa screamed, as she burst through the door and hurled the chips and soda at the wall. “To hell with you, Jade! I’m me, okay, so take it or leave it! And I’m sick of you moping over Mama like she was some kind of saint when she definitely was not! But you know what, the more I think about it, maybe I’m a lot more like her than we thought. See, Mama had a bunch of skeletons in her closet. My daddy didn’t leave us to be with his mistress like the story goes. He left because your granny was screwing the neighbor’s husband every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and we got run out of town back to Big Mama’s. And that bastard Charlie Mays wasn’t exactly single when they got together. So maybe you should think about that before you go wishing for me to be like your precious granny!”

  Jade and Katrina stared at her with a look of shock.

  “Uh, Willa, Jade didn’t say she wish you was like her granny. She said you think she wish you were like her but that’s not true. She love you the way you are—well most of the time anyway,” Katrina laughed nervously. Feeling utterly humiliated and ashamed, Willa dropped on the bed beside Jade and started crying. “And then when that letter came from Ms. Dorothea,” Katrina continued, “Jade felt bad for loving somebody that treated you so bad. That’s why she been moping around all depressed because she felt guilty and thought you was mad at her.”

  “What letter?” Willa asked, as she wiped away tears.

  “Aunt Vera gave it to me. She said the stamp fell off so the post office sent it back to the house. It was the last letter Granny wrote to me and she told me the truth about a lot of things that happened in her life. And I just felt bad, Ma, for not always believing she had treated you the way you said,” Jade cried. “I thought you were just being mean and trying to make me hate Granny because you did, but she told me the truth and I’m sorry.”

  “Come here, baby girl,” Willa said, pulling Jade close to her. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about. I’m the one that’s stupid. I was being mean because I was jealous that Mama loved you so much and only seemed to hate me. And she did love you, baby girl, more than anybody in the world. From the day you were born, regardless of what was happening between me and her, she was always there for you. You were her pride and joy. So of course you’re sad she’s gone and I had no business trying to make you feel bad for that. Mama was a wonderful, devoted, loving grandmother to you and she deserves your love. You don’t have to be mad at her for me. Your mama is a damn fool sometimes so don’t pay me no mind, hear? It just seems like I’m always doing the wrong thing. I’m sorry,” she said then hugged Jade again.

  Like always, Katrina joined them in their hug. She couldn’t stand to see them cry. “So who gone fix these dents you put in the wall?” she laughed loudly and so did Willa and Jade.

  The week before Christmas mother and daughter decided to take a trip to Alabama after all. Even though Dorothea wouldn’t be there to celebrate her birthday with them, they thought it was a great way to honor her memory. In the three months since the funeral Willa came to terms with a lot of the unresolved feelings she still had towards her mother. That was due in big part to her visits with a psychologist named Dr. Kwasi. She provided Willa the opportunity to vent her rage and anger without apology or having to consider anyone else’s feelings. She also got to cry and grieve for all the things she’d lost; her innocence, Justin, her marriage, Jamal, and Jade’s trust to name a few. At the end of it all, though, Willa had to make a choice. She had to decide whether to forgive and move on or keep allowing that same pain and bitterness to wreak havoc in her life. And for a while she seemed to be doing well. Craig was no longer a part of her life, she and Jade were closer, and the world just seemed better. Unfortun
ately, it was only a matter of time before Willa resorted to her old ways.

  8

  Chapter Eight

  “Take that mess off!” Katrina yelled. “Don’t you come in my house with that Beckman junk on! This is a Bailey household,” she laughed, playfully tugging at Jade’s t-shirt.

  Because they lived in different parts of the city, Katrina and Jade had to attend rival junior high schools. It wouldn’t be that way for long, though. Both girls would be attending Lew Wallace High School next school term to start their freshman year. Until then they were stuck harassing each other and cheering for opposite teams.

  Landon was graduating with honors from Lew Wallace and Willa took it upon herself to throw him a party. He was ranked number ten out of a class of six hundred seventy-two and she thought that was fantastic and deserved to be recognized. As usual, Cicely was unconcerned about what was going on in Landon’s life and told Willa to do whatever she wanted. Katrina absolutely adored her big brother and wanted to be included in the party planning. So Willa and Jade stopped by to get her on their way to shop for food and decorations. Since Landon was leaving for California right after his graduation, it was going to be a farewell party as well. His father’s brother agreed to let Landon stay with him while he went to college and worked. He couldn’t wait to get out of Cicely’s house and vowed never to return.

  Their relationship had grown even more tumultuous over the years. However, Cicely didn’t hit him anymore. One night during his sophomore year she accused him of taking money out of her purse. She knew it was more likely her new boyfriend had taken it rather than her son but she tore the boys’ bedroom apart looking for it anyway. And when Cicely found three hundred dollars stuffed in Landon’s mattress, she decided to take it. He had worked hard doing odd jobs to earn that money and told her she wasn’t taking a cent from him. He snatched it out of her hand and she hit Landon in his face and chest expecting him to cower from her. Instead, he went ballistic! The only thing going through his mind was all the times she had punched, kicked, or spit on him and he beat her with all of his strength. Thankfully Robert and Alonzo were there to pull him off her otherwise Landon may have killed Cicely!