Imagined Love Read online

  Willa fought it as long as she could but Miles was able to prove he’d been providing for their daughter all along and the judge refused to make him pay child support. Once that judgment came through she knew there was no other option but to let Jade be with her father. Seeing the devastated look on her daughter’s face was heartbreaking and Willa felt like a complete and utter failure.

  Anna seemed just as unhappy about the change as Jade. It was one thing to put up with Miles’s kids on the weekend, but having to be responsible for one of them every day was more than she’d signed up for. So the day after returning from Hawaii, Anna packed a bag and went to stay with her parents. She believed Miles would return Jade to Willa then plead with her to come home. It took a few days for Anna to realize that wasn’t going to happen. It was quite clear that if she made him choose between her and Jade, she’d lose.

  With that realization she went home to Miles and apologized profusely for behaving in such a way. He was mad at first and wouldn’t speak to her but Anna managed to appease him with a few crocodile tears and a bogus speech about how important family was and what an honor it was to have him and his wonderful girls in her life. Then Anna teased and titillated Miles until he was begging to make love to her. It was how she always got back in to his good graces.

  Jade cried continuously the first few days of being with her dad. She kept hoping Willa would come banging on the door saying she’d made a terrible mistake and was there to take her baby home. She never did, though. And as the weeks rolled by, Jade hardly saw or spoke to her mother. Each time they did talk to

  one another she seemed extremely happy and not at all like the depressed woman Dorothea claimed was so miserable without her child. Then on the one weekend Willa actually showed up to get her, Jade got the shock of her life. Her mother was marrying Mitchell Willis and becoming stepmother to his thirteen-year-old son! A boy whose basketball games she attended, helped with homework, and cared for even though she hadn’t spent more than a few hours with her own child. And when Jade tried to tell her how she felt, all Willa could talk about was how cool her new name would sound! She wrote Willa Willis all over everything like a love-struck teenager completely unconcerned with what her child was going through. Again Jade felt abandoned and her anger and hatred took her to places no one would have imagined. Her grades plummeted and Miles was called to the office a few times to retrieve her from the principal’s office for fighting and being disruptive in class.

  Oddly enough, it was during those times that Jade and Jewel grew closer to one another. Initially it was their hatred for Anna that brought them together. They knew she was no good and invented ways to harass and aggravate her. It wasn’t long, though, before the girls realized they had more in common and began getting along better. Jade learned that Jewel had a sweet and loving side to her and all the boasting she’d done was just to hide how lonely and insecure she was. And for the first time, Jade honestly felt like she had a sister. She looked forward to Jewel’s visits and the talks they had in the middle of the night when they were supposed to be asleep. Although Willa was still a “no show” for the most part, Jade was happy having her sister and her granny’s letters and phone calls. She didn’t think about suicide as much because of them.

  It was July 15th, Jade’s twelfth birthday and Miles agreed to let her spend it with her mother.

  “It’s about time,” Willa huffed after hearing a knock at the back door. She and Jade had been waiting almost an hour for Mitchell and his son to arrive. “What took you so . . . hey, where’s Michael?”

  She had planned for the four of them to spend the day at Great America to celebrate Jade’s birthday. It was obvious from Michael’s absence and the fact that Mitchell couldn’t look Willa in her eyes that those plans had changed.

  “Hey, Jade. Happy birthday,” he said, handing her a wrapped present. “I hope you like it. Michael and I don’t really know how to shop for a girl,” Mitchell smiled.

  “Why don’t you open it in the front room, baby girl? And you can watch TV for a while until we get ready to go, okay?”

  “Okay, Mom. Thank you, Mitchell,” Jade said then headed to the living room. She knew a fight was on the horizon and intended to listen to every word.

  “So what’s the excuse this time, Mitchell? Your watch broke again? Or was it your phone cord messing up for the umpteenth time that kept you from being considerate enough to call and say you’d be late? You really need to get that thing fixed,” Willa said, sarcastically. “Well make it a good one, at least. I wouldn’t want it to be just any old excuse for ruining what was supposed to be a really special day for my daughter. You knew how important this was to me and yet you come strolling up in here an hour late smiling like nothing’s wrong. I don’t know what’s going on with you, Mitchell, but I’m really sick of it. And I promise you I won’t be putting up with much more of it,” she warned. “So is there a reason you walked in handing Jade a gift even though we planned to give her presents after cake and ice cream?”

  “Well, Michael and I won’t be going with you guys today.”

  “Duh! I gathered that when you walked in here without him. What I want to know is why!”

  “I don’t think this is the appropriate time to talk about it. Maybe we can discuss it when Jade’s not here. I wouldn’t want to upset her unnecessarily by . . .”

  “Don’t play games with me, Mitchell! If you really gave a damn about her feelings we’d be on our way to Great America, wouldn’t we? So quit playing and just tell me the truth.”

  “Okay,” he sighed, rocking from side to side. “I can’t marry you, Willa.”

  She felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her! Tears instantly fell from Willa’s eyes as she stared at Mitchell trying to make sense of what he said. The obvious question was why, but she couldn’t seem to find her voice. A few moments of awkward silence passed before she finally spoke.

  “Why are you leaving me, Mitchell?”

  “I love you, Willa, and I still want you in my life. But I could never marry a woman who doesn’t make her child a priority. You’ve been wonderful to Michael, but he doesn’t need a mother. Jade does. And I don’t know how you can neglect her and think that I . . .”

  Jade covered her mouth so they wouldn’t hear her laughing.

  “Wait, let me get this straight,” Willa chuckled. “Even though you know first hand what Miles has been doing to keep me from Jade, you’ve decided I’m a horrible mother who you can’t marry. But since you still want me in your life,” she said with mock sincerity, “I should be willing to go from being your fiancée to someone you screw from time to time. Is that right?”

  “I wouldn’t put it like that. I might change my mind if you prove . . .”

  “Oh my god! How did I not notice it before? You’re retarded, aren’t you? You must be if you think I’m gonna waste my time proving anything to you, as if you’re any better as a father! It’s only been a year since you got joint custody of Michael! Before then you hadn’t even talked to him! Oh yeah,” Willa said in

  response to the shocked look on Mitchell’s face. “I had a long heart to heart with Candace and she gave me the lowdown on you as a husband and father. And like a fool, I chose to give you a chance thinking you had grown from the self-centered, irresponsible teenager she married into a real man. Then you have the nerve to stand here thumbing your nose at me like you forgot what a dead beat dad you’ve been most of Michael’s life! So I say fuck you and your stupid marriage proposal, you ignorant son of a bitch!”

  “Hey! You better watch your mouth!” Mitchell cautioned.

  “Or what, you gone choke me out like you did Candace?” Willa asked, as she moved towards the kitchen knives. “You better get the hell out before you get hurt because I’ll be damned if I let another man put his hands on me!”

  Jade ran into the kitchen wielding a baseball bat to protect her mother if need be. She was still upset with Willa but couldn’t sit by and let someone hurt her, even
if she was egging it on by refusing to shut her mouth! Mitchell stood with his fist clenched as if he was debating whether to knock Willa’s lights out or not. At 6’4” and 250 pounds he could’ve easily done so but decided against it when she grabbed a butcher knife and Jade tightened her grip on the bat.

  “It’s okay, sweetie, I’m not gonna hurt your mom. I still love her,” Mitchell said, as he stared at Willa. Then he walked out of her kitchen and out of her life.

  Willa cried, not fully understanding what had just happened. The four of them were supposed to become a family that day. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. I really wanted today to be special. I had no idea he was gonna ruin it like this. Stupid bastard,” she mumbled. Then, in true dramatic fashion, Willa slid to the floor sobbing the whole way down. “Why can’t stuff ever work out for me? I just wanna be happy,” she cried, hoping to be consoled.

  There was a part of Jade that wanted to embrace her mom and tell her everything would be okay. However, she was still too angry and resentful to do so. And just as Jade suspected, Willa went right into her “poor me” routine. She started telling Jade how miserable she’d been without her and how desperate she was to have her back home. The pictures displayed all around her new place told a different story. It seemed unlikely that Willa had spent any time in bed crying her eyes out when her social calendar was so full. There were the Happy Hours, the bowling league, Friday night Spades games, and a host of parties.

  Then when she and Mitchell got serious there were dinner dates, plays, and even a few weekend trips to places Willa had always dreamed of going. No, Jade didn’t see miserable at all. She saw a woman who was vibrant, carefree, and living the life she’d always wanted. One she would have enjoyed all along had it not been for an unplanned pregnancy and a marriage of convenience. And as weird as it may have seemed, Jade could almost understand it. From as far back as she could remember Miles and Willa complained about all the things they missed out on

  because she was born. They didn’t go to the prom or college or do any of the things other teenagers were doing because they had to take care of a baby. So many times they would daydream out loud about what their lives would’ve been like if it weren’t for “the mistake”. Jade often wondered if Miles and Willa realized how hurtful it was to feel blamed for a decision they made. She didn’t ask to be born. And most days Jade wished she hadn’t been. Justin and Jamal were the lucky ones as far as she was concerned. Sometimes Jade still considered swallowing a bottle of pills so her parents no longer had to be burdened by their mistake!

  “So what are you gonna do about Mitchell, Ma?” Jade asked after her mother had gotten off the floor and cleaned her face.

  “There’s nothing I can do, baby girl. When someone doesn’t wanna be bothered anymore then you leave him alone. I have to accept that this was another case of imagined love. And the worst part is that something in me always knew Mitchell wasn’t the one. There were so many signs along the way but I wanted it to work so bad that I just ignored them. That’s the biggest mistake you can make, baby girl. When somebody is wrong for you, don’t pretend like they’re right. Don’t be crazy like your mama, okay? Don’t waste your time sitting around waiting on someone to change. Most people never do. It’s true you can’t help who you love, but once you know that person isn’t right for you, accept it and move on to the next one. If I had more sense then I’d be making better choices. As you can see, I’m not doing too well in the love department.”

  “It’s not that bad, Ma. You’ve only been with two men.”

  Willa laughed then gave Jade a hug and kiss. “Uh, yeah, we’re gonna have to talk about that one day. But for now I say let’s go to Great America.”

  The two of them laughed, talked, and sang the whole two-hour ride there. They had a ball enjoying everything from the roller coasters and games to the food and shows. Jade hadn’t been that happy in a long time and didn’t want it to end. She really missed her mother and wanted to be back with her. And she didn’t see a reason for it not to happen. It seemed obvious from all the things Willa had acquired that she no longer had financial troubles and could provide for both of them. Jade expressed those thoughts during their ride home only to have her hopes dashed. Willa never said no to them living together again, but she didn’t appear all that enthused about the idea either. And that hurt Jade’s feelings.

  “Listen, baby girl, I want you home with me more than anything in the world. I miss you so much. But things aren’t always what they seem. And I would hate for you to come live with me and then have to go back with your dad because I couldn’t take care of you. It would break my heart to do that to you again.”

  “Then why can’t you just save your money so you can keep me?” Jade cried.

  “Don’t cry, baby girl. It’s your birthday and I want you to be happy,” Willa said, as she reached over to wipe away her tears. “Don’t be sad. And don’t ever

  think I don’t want you with me, okay? It’s just that . . . well I haven’t exactly made the best choices lately.” She paused momentarily trying to decide how much info to divulge. Jade was mature for her age but maybe not enough to understand the things her mother had done. Yet, the more Willa thought about it, the more she felt it was better to just tell Jade the truth rather than let her feel unwanted. “Alright, listen, baby girl. I’m gonna trust you with something but it has to stay between us. You can’t tell anybody, not even your granny because if she or your dad finds out they’ll make sure I never get you back. You understand?”

  Jade nodded as she wiped tears from her face. She was thrilled to have Willa confiding in her again and for the remaining hour of their trip home she listened intently to her mother’s every word. Jade was brokenhearted to learn that Willa’s life was not at all what it appeared to be. It was a complete and utter mess! She was living in her place illegally, for starters. And the 1983 burgundy, two-door Ford Thunderbird they were riding the highway in was a month from being repossessed! Willa’s business was virtually non-existent, yet that didn’t stop her from reporting otherwise to the IRS. She had filed a fraudulent tax return and the money she’d received was gone. Mitchell was supposed to take care of her until she got the business back up and running but since that was no longer an option, Willa didn’t know what she was going to do. She left the apartment without telling the landlord or paying the three months rent she owed. And even if she were able to get another place, there was no way to have the phone, water, or gas and electric turned on because she left without paying those bills as well. Her life truly was a mess!

  That day the two of them made a pact. Jade would put up with Miles and Anna just a little bit longer and Willa would do everything humanly possible to bring her home. Jade just wanted to be with her mom and was willing to forgive and trust her again. A few weeks later, however, she was convinced it had been a mistake to do so. Willa went back to being a no-show, no-call.

  Jade was so sick of hearing Miles’s voice that she jumped out the passenger seat before he’d finished pulling into the driveway. All she wanted to do was go to her room and sleep. He had other plans and told her to sit down on the porch. Miles called to their neighbor Ms. Lynch, who was working in her garden, and asked if she needed a hand. When the middle aged woman accepted, Miles told Jade to go change her clothes.

  “What’s wrong with your face?” he snapped.

  “Nothing,” Jade muttered.

  “Look, I know your little feelings got hurt today and I’m sorry about that. But you better straighten up your attitude before you get your butt whooped. You hear me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What?”

  “Yes.”

  “Now gone and change into your play clothes,” Miles ordered.

  The only thing Jade could do to release her frustration and anger was to cry. If Willa had been home like she was supposed to be then Jade would’ve been hanging out with Katrina instead of being forced to work in the neighbor’s yard. And she wouldn’t have had to sit through an
other one of Miles’s “your mother doesn’t want you” speeches either. In the twenty minutes it took them to get home, he rehashed every incident in which Jade’s mother had hurt her. Yet what she found most annoying was Miles’s delusional ranting about his role as a father. To let him tell it, he and Anna deserved some sort of medal for all they had done for her. What he failed to realize was that Jade hated them even more than she hated Willa!

  “Miles!” Anna snapped, as she barreled out of the front door nearly knocking Jade over. “Why was Willa . . .?”

  “We’ll talk about it later,” he interrupted.

  “No, but she . . .”

  “I said we’ll talk about it later,” Miles yelled.

  Jade was silently pleading with Anna to finish whatever she was trying to say. Maybe there was a reasonable explanation for Willa not being home when they got there.

  “Didn’t I tell you to go change your clothes?” Miles barked. “I warned you about staring up in grown folks mouth when ain’t nobody talking to you! Now get your butt upstairs!”

  After Jade went inside, Anna walked over to Miles and tried talking to him again. “Now will you explain why you told Willa to . . .?”

  “What part of we’ll talk later don’t you understand?” he snapped. “As a matter of fact, I ain’t gotta explain nothing to you. You lost that privilege when you became a liar and a whore!”

  “I keep telling you I’m not a liar or a whore! Ricky is like my . . .”

  “Go in the house,” Miles mumbled through gritted teeth. The last thing he wanted was for the neighbors to know anything about the mess his marriage and family had become. “Don’t you dare embarrass me,” he sneered.

  “Don’t embarrass you! Well you should’ve thought of that before you were out here whooping and hollering trying to embarrass me!” Anna shouted. “I told you before I’m not one of your kids. You don’t control me! I’m an adult and if you disrespectful to me, I’m gonna be disrespectful to you!” she glared. “Now, like I tried to tell you before, Ricky is just an old friend and there’s absolutely nothing going on between us,” Anna lied. “If you don’t wanna be with me anymore then