Imagined Love Page 7

  All Willa did the first few weeks after the funeral was sleep. She didn’t eat and barely spoke to anyone. Thankfully, Jade had her granny and friends to support her since her parents were still unable to do so. By Christmas, however, Dorothea forced Willa out of bed and helped her start putting her life back together.

  “Will I ever get over this, Mama?”

  “No, child, you won’t,” Dorothea cried, as she stroked her daughter’s hair. “But you’ll find a way to get through it. You’ll find a way to go on with your life.”

  “I’m sorry, Mama,” Willa said, watching tears roll down Dorothea’s face. “I never knew how much pain you were in. If it hurts this much and Jamal was stillborn I can’t even imagine what it was like to lose a child after having her for thirteen years. It had to be tortuous to have all those memories of Mae growing up, remembering her laugh, and just how wonderful she was.”

  Dorothea sobbed and Willa reached out to hug her for the first time in many years. They both cried and held tightly to one another, releasing a lifetime of pain.

  “Thank you, Mama. Thank you for being here and taking care of everything. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you,” Willa said, as Dorothea prepared to leave a few days before the New Year.

  Miles expressed those same sentiments as he embraced his soon-to-be ex mother-in-law then he loaded her luggage into his Ford Bronco. Jade was planning to ride to the airport with them but Willa asked her to stay. She wanted to talk to Jade alone and hopefully reassure her how much she was wanted and loved. Dorothea needed to speak with Miles anyway so it was best for Jade to stay with her mom.

  Willa apologized for making her feel like they didn’t want her and promised not to let it happen again. They cried about Jamal and talked about how much they were looking forward to having a little boy running around the house. Jade asked Willa if she would ever have another baby and learned that wasn’t possible. Willa had her tubes tied after Jamal was born to prevent it from ever happening again. Miles disagreed with her decision but being that he was about to become her ex-husband. Willa didn’t care. Jade was to be her only child and she was just fine with that.

  Willa and Jade settled into their apartment and things slowly got back to normal. Unfortunately, that included arguing with Miles. Losing Jamal was a sadness they shared and were able to lean on each other to get through it. Once that time had passed, they were forced to face the fact that they didn’t like each other

  very much. The two of them fought about money, custody, but mostly about how Jewel was affecting Jade. He wanted them to be sisters and best friends despite the fact they couldn’t stand each other. So to protect her own child, Willa often kept Jade away from Miles so she wouldn’t be forced to deal with Jewel. Again he threatened to get full custody and their fights continued. Willa couldn’t imagine things getting any worse until, of course, they got worse!

  On Friday, April 1st, a few days before Easter, Willa decided to go to the Village Shopping Mall to window shop. Her divorce had been final for about a month and she thought it would be less depressing to get out for a while instead of spending another day in bed crying about the mess she’d made of her life. After walking around for an hour, Willa was ready to leave when she discovered her car had been stolen! At least she thought it was but soon realized Miles had taken it. When she called to remind him that she needed a vehicle to take care of their daughter properly he agreed and told her she better get one. Miles also told Willa if she couldn’t take care of their daughter he would happily take custody of her.

  Threats such as those prompted Willa to put her plans to start a party planning business on hold to take secretarial jobs from a temp agency. The higher paying positions were in Chicago so she caught the train as often as she could get work. Cicely volunteered to have Jade sleep over during the week which was extremely helpful. The fact that Willa already had to get up at the crack of dawn to catch a bus to the train station made the idea of taking Jade to Cicely’s every morning too daunting of a task. And at first she came over every day after work with a fresh pair of clothes, lunch for the next day, and to spend time with Jade. Though, as the weeks dragged on, it just got easier to pack enough clothes to last Jade the four days, pay her lunch card at school, and call every night before bed.

  Living like that, however, only added to Willa’s misery. Jade grew closer to Cicely and began confiding in her. Sometimes it seemed as if she was closer to her than Katrina and Landon and that made Willa jealous. Miles was envious as well and resented the fact that his daughter liked someone he considered a lowlife better than him. He also didn’t like that Jade was so taken with Alonzo and would’ve had a fit had he known just how often she was staying there with him. Willa was so distraught and lonely that she cried herself to sleep every night and contemplated quitting her job so she could be with her daughter. She’d even been desperate enough to entertain the idea of reconciling with Miles again!

  Mother’s Day was a few days away and Willa was depressed and lonely. It had been five months since Jamal died and she still missed him. Miles missed him too and called to ask if he could stop by the apartment to talk. Willa laughed when she opened the door to find him holding a bottle of rum and a two liter of Coke. It was one of their favorite drinks. And after a few of them, they were crying and

  holding each other. Then Miles and Willa started kissing and wound up in bed making love for hours, like they always did after rum and Coke!

  “I can’t leave you alone,” he whispered, as they lay entwined in her bed. “I love you, Willa, and I want you to come home.”

  “And how would Anna feel about that?” she asked of the woman he’d started seeing.

  Miles caressed her face and kissed her passionately as if that were answer enough. She held tightly to him as they reminisced about their first apartment and car and how far they’d come from those days. Miles kissed her again and they were well on their way to making love again when Willa’s phone rang. She tried to get up to stop the answering machine but he wouldn’t let her. Miles wanted to hear what Mitchell had to say. According to Willa he was nothing more than one of the executives she’d met while working at the temp agency. However, from the things he was saying he wanted to do to her it was obvious her relationship with Mitchell was more than that . . . much more.

  Miles went ballistic and began screaming at Willa about being unfaithful, which confused her. They were divorced and that meant freedom to date or bed whoever they wanted. When Miles first asked about Mitchell he was just a guy from work. Willa didn’t realize she was supposed to update him once that changed. Besides, he was sleeping with Anna every night so she didn’t understand what the hell he was so angry about and she said as much.

  The next morning two dozen red roses arrived at Willa’s apartment along with four hundred dollars for her to shop and pamper herself. Miles called to apologize and asked Willa to forgive him and come home. And despite everything that had happened between them, she was tempted to go back simply because she was tired of struggling. Being with Miles meant having a comfortable life where she could be with Jade and not have someone else raising her. However, she knew that comfort came with a price. So any time Willa began to consider going back to Miles, she’d remind herself what life with him was really like.

  “You’ll be all right without him,” she often said to her reflection. The problem was that Willa didn’t actually believe she could be. Though, as the months rolled by she found in herself a resilient woman who was just fine on her own.

  At the beginning of August, Miles came by the apartment to get Jade for the weekend and decided to bring Anna along to meet Willa. He announced their engagement and that the wedding would take place in a few months. What Miles was hoping for was an insanely jealous outburst from his ex-wife. What he got instead made him angry. Willa embraced the beautiful nineteen-year-old Puerto Rican and offered her wedding planning tips! They became fast friends and talked for over an hour as if Miles weren’t even in the
room.

  “Look, we need to go,” he barked.

  “Okay, well it was good to meet you, Anna. Just let me know if you need any help with the wedding. Miles has my number,” Willa said, as she hugged the woman goodbye.

  Willa hugged Jade as well and told Miles congratulations before they finally left. As soon as the door closed she dissolved into tears. Even though Willa knew Miles was involved with Anna, she never thought he would actually marry her. She never thought he would marry anyone but her and she was jealous and brokenhearted by his impending nuptials. It was only at that moment did Willa realize she was still hanging on to the hope of her and Miles finding their way back to each other. His marrying another woman laid that hope to rest and she knew it was time to move on with her life—once and for all.

  By the time the new school year began in September, Willa was taking local temp jobs even though they didn’t pay as much as the ones in Chicago. After a tongue lashing from Dorothea about how miserable Jade was being at Cicely’s all the time, Willa knew she needed to make some changes. She had been so angry at her daughter for always wanting to be with Cicely that she didn’t realize how unhappy the girl was. At first Jade thought it was fun staying at Katrina’s house. She liked having other kids to play with and getting to see Alonzo every day was great. However, what made being there so enjoyable was the fact that it was only temporary. Willa had promised her that. So Jade said she was happy being at Cicely’s because she didn’t want her mom to worry. She had no idea doing so would make Willa decide to abandon her there! Jade lashed out by saying mean things, but it was because she was miserable and just wanted to be with her mother.

  Once mother and daughter were reunited, Willa worked hard to make a life for both of them. Within a few months she landed a permanent secretarial position at an insurance company in downtown Gary. Then she was able to save enough money to buy a used blue 1970 Ford Pinto. It definitely wasn’t the Monte Carlo, but it was hers and that made Willa proud of herself. What she was most proud of, however, was the close knit relationship she’d been able to build with Jade. They were like best friends and spent as much time together as possible. Willa was often stunned by how insightful and mature her child was as well as her incredible ability to inspire and encourage people. Jade made Willa believe she could do anything and gave her the strength and courage she needed to pursue her dreams. It was Jade’s belief and willingness to stand by her that pushed Willa to leave her job and focus on the party planning business full time! As things turned out, it wasn’t the best decision to make. After planning a retirement party and a 40th birthday bash, not many jobs came for Party Girls and Willa found herself back in a desperate situation.

  “Hey, Miles, how you doing?” Willa smiled, as she allowed him inside the apartment.

  “I’m making it. How ‘bout yourself?”

  “I’m doing okay,” she said, offering him a seat. “So are you getting nervous yet? It won’t be long before you’re a married man again. How’s the wedding planning coming?”

  “Expensively,” Miles laughed. “I been working like a dog just to pay for it!”

  “Yeah, well, it cost to have what you want, right?”

  “I guess. But I wasn’t planning on going broke for this one day. I mean, we still gotta pay the mortgage and eat after this thing is over with.”

  “I know what you mean. As a matter of fact, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about if you have a few minutes.”

  “I got a few minutes. What’s on your mind?”

  “Well, I was wondering when you were gonna start sending the child support checks.”

  “Oh, ain’t no need to wonder. I’m not.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I’m not,” Miles repeated, angry he’d fallen for the bait. “I suggest you re-read those papers from the court since you obviously confused. You know all you gotta do is tell me what Jade need and I’ll get it for her. As a matter of fact, Anna just picked up a few outfits for her. But if she need something else just let me know and I’ll take her shopping this weekend.”

  “Come on now, Miles. You know it takes more than that to raise a child. She’s gotta eat. NIPSCO has to be paid so she can have lights and stuff, right?”

  “Right. And if you can’t provide them things then she needs to be with me!”

  “Oh, I see. So you can go broke for some stupid wedding but you can’t make sure your own daughter has . . .”

  “Girl, I’ll break your neck if you try to make it seem like I don’t take care of my baby! I’ll do whatever I have to for Jade but I’ll be damned if you eat a morsel of bread with my money!” Miles yelled in Willa’s face. “You left, remember? You was big, bad Willa that didn’t need no stupid bastard like me taking care of you and your child, remember? But I ain’t stupid, Willa. I know this ain’t got nothing to do with no damn child support. You think you slick, but it’ll be a cold day in hell before I contribute a dime to this idiotic party planning thing you got going. I told you a long time ago ain’t nobody gone pay you to plan no party, Willa. So I suggest you find a way to get your stuff together. ‘Cause if you don’t Jade won’t just be with me this weekend. She’ll be with me from now on!”

  Jade was standing just outside of the living room staring at her parents with tears in her eyes. The last place on earth she wanted to live was with her father and

  the teenager. Jade was silently pleading with her mother to do anything to keep that from happening.

  “Let’s go, Jade. I got a big surprise for you.”

  “Bye, Mom,” she said, throwing her arms around Willa. “I’ll see you soon, right? First thing Sunday morning?”

  “Of course, baby girl! I’ll be there bright and early to get you and then we’ll go to our special place, okay? Just me and you.”

  “Okay,” Jade smiled nervously then she hugged her mother tighter.

  “Let’s go, girl,” Miles barked.

  Willa snickered knowing he would go overboard buying gifts for Jade to compete with their two Happy Meals from McDonald’s.

  “Well, it looks like I’ll be seeing you back in court,” Willa called after him. “We’ll see what the judge has to say about child support.”

  “Try it and see what happens, you tramp,” Miles spat before slamming the door behind him.

  Jade’s mood went from bad to worse as soon as she saw her “surprise” waiting in the backseat. Dealing with Anna and her two-faced ways all weekend was challenging enough without Miles forcing Jewel upon her too. He was determined to make the girls behave like best friends despite the fact that Jade hated Jewel. And contrary to what Myrna and Lydia said, she wasn’t jealous of the girl. Jewel was a jerk and the kids at school and even her teachers would agree. It was the reason she spent most of her time alone. And Miles had decided it was Jade’s job to remedy that.

  After the dress fittings, lunch, and hours of incessant jabbering from both Anna and Jewel, Jade just wanted to be alone. She nearly cried, however, after walking into her bedroom to find yet another surprise which would prevent that from happening. Miles had removed the one standard bed and replaced it with twins—one for her and one for Jewel!

  “Ugh, I hate him,” Jade mumbled, not understanding why she had to share a room when there were four bedrooms in her father’s new house. And when Miles brought Jewel upstairs to show her the room, Jade decided to ask him. A swift slap to the back was her answer!

  “Do you pay any bills around here? Huh? So you don’t hear me talking to you?” he barked, nudging Jade when she didn’t respond. “I asked you a question!”

  “No,” she whimpered.

  “That’s right, you don’t. So who do you think you are to be questioning me about decisions I make in my house?”

  “Nobody,” Jade said, as she wiped away tears. “I’m nobody and my feelings don’t matter to anybody . . .”

  “See, now there you go with that dramatic crap like your mama! But I ain’t falling for it this time. So you can sit here a
nd cry and talk about ‘I’m nobody’ all you want to,” Miles yelled. “I’m not playing this game with you!” He stormed downstairs.

  Jade locked herself in the bathroom and sat on the floor crying. She could hear Miles and Anna talking through the vent. Not surprising, Anna managed to make the situation all about her and used her exotic Latin looks and voluptuous body to get exactly what she wanted from Miles. He had spent a lot of energy trying to keep his fiancée away from his devil of an ex-wife thinking Willa would negatively influence his bride-to-be. Little did Miles know Anna was more of a devil than Willa could ever be!

  6

  Chapter Six

  On Saturday, May 14, 1983, after having a ball at one of her classmate’s birthday party Jade came home to learn her life was ruined. Willa told her she’d be moving in with Miles and Anna once they returned from their vacation! Jade kept hoping it was just one of her mother’s dumb jokes, but when she saw that most of her things were packed, she knew it wasn’t. Then when Jade called her granny to talk some sense into Willa, she got yet another unpleasant surprise.

  It was Dorothea who’d convinced Willa that it was best for Jade to be with Miles. He was financially stable and she knew her granddaughter would be well cared for. Things had gone down hill with Willa’s party planning business and the temp agency was reluctant to hire her again given her track record of taking permanent positions then leaving them. Initially she wasn’t willing to let Jade go, but when the lights and water had to be shut off because she couldn’t pay the bill, Willa knew she needed to think more about Jade’s well being than her own pride. Dorothea reminded her that sometimes mothers had to make hard choices in the best interest of their children.