Imagined Love Page 18

  Willa lay in bed holding her daughter as she tearfully recounted the day’s events. It was difficult to keep her own emotions in check as she wanted to make a special trip over to Cicely’s to bash her brains in for the way she’d hurt Jade! However, Willa kept her thoughts to herself and listened to her baby cry and rant until she was too tired to say anymore. Jade felt so foolish for continuing to believe in them when people had tried to tell her the whole family was no good. She had loved them so much, though, and it was like a dagger to her heart to find out she’d been used the entire time.

  The next day Jade stayed home from school because she couldn’t handle facing Katrina or Damien. After she told him what she’d heard, he finally came clean about sleeping with his ex-girlfriend. Damien cried his eyes out swearing it had only happened once and that he was drunk and never meant to hurt her. Jade broke up with him before slamming the phone in his ear.

  Trying to sleep became impossible because her phone wouldn’t stop ringing. Jade went to lay down in Willa’s room since they had separate phone lines but soon hers started to ring incessantly as well. Eventually Jade went to the living room to watch TV and had the volume blaring to drown out the ringing phones. She knew it was no one but Katrina trying to explain and apologize again. She’d left several messages the night before begging Jade to talk to her. As far as she was concerned both Katrina and Damien could go to hell! After a while, though, the ringing got to be too much.

  “Hello!” she snapped.

  “Hey, Jade. You okay?”

  “Actually, no, Tawny, I’m not okay! I thought you were my friend. Why wouldn’t you tell me what Katrina was doing behind my back?”

  “I guess I was just mad, Jade. I thought we were best friends but you didn’t tell me half the stuff you told her and I was jealous. I’m sorry, okay? I should’ve told you, but listen . . .”

  “It wasn’t like I didn’t wanna talk to you, Tawny. But like I told you before, nobody’s gonna dictate what I can and can’t say! You didn’t wanna hear about Alonzo because you hated him. And then you didn’t wanna hear about Damien unless you had a boyfriend to talk about too. So I don’t know why you were mad or jealous because you made it so we couldn’t talk about stuff, not me.”

  “You’re right. And I’m sorry, Jade, but Katrina . . .”

  “Oh stop, Tawny! I’ve had enough lectures about how sad her life is and how I need to be the bigger person and blah, blah, blah! I’m sick of . . .”

  “Jade, she’s dead!” For a brief period of time everything seemed to go black. “Katrina’s dead,” Tawny sobbed.

  All of a sudden Jade burst out laughing. “Good try, Tawny, you almost had me. I know what you trying to do. You tell me Katrina’s dead and then I’m supposed to start crying hysterically and say how I’d give anything to be able to talk to her again. Then you say psyche and try to convince me that I obviously still love her and should forgive her. That’s pretty slick. I almost fell for it. That’s a cruel joke, though. You shouldn’t play like that, Tawny. Tawny? Tawny!” Jade shouted when the girl continued to sob.

  “I honestly wish it was a joke, Jade. I swear I do. But Katrina is dead. I talked to her mom and . . .”

  Jade slammed down the phone then rushed to get dressed. Ten minutes later she arrived at the place that just yesterday she’d vowed never to return. Cicely opened the door and Jade stood there staring, trying to read her expression. She certainly didn’t look like a grieving mother and Jade knew she’d been played! Then Cicely burst into tears and crumpled to the floor. With her heart beating wildly, Jade’s eyes frantically darted across the room hoping Katrina would emerge. The whole thing had to be a prank. How could Katrina really be dead? She was only seventeen years old! No, it had to be some kind of sick joke! Jade ran past Cicely and bolted upstairs to Katrina’s room. She was fully expecting to see the girl sitting on the bed waiting. Instead what Jade found was the heart-shaped locket and burgundy lip gloss Katrina never left without sitting on the dresser. More upsetting, however, was the envelope addressed to Jade lying beside them. Tears poured down her face as she could no longer pretend it was a mistake. Katrina was gone.

  “I guess she really did it.”

  “What?” Jade gasped, startled by Honor’s presence.

  “During one of our fights I told her to do us all a favor and kill herself. And she did it. She took that big bottle of aspirin from Mom’s room and swallowed them all.” Tears streamed down Honor’s face. “I didn’t mean it, Jade. We fought a lot but I never wanted her to die! Why would she do this? We’ve been through a lot worse times, so what was so different this time that she didn’t want to live anymore?”

  The evil look on Jade’s face actually scared Honor and she took a few steps back. “So what are you trying to say? You think this is my fault? You think because we fought yesterday she . . .”

  “No, Jade, me and Katrina fought yesterday too. She was mad because I didn’t tell her you were here. So we argued and said a bunch of stupid stuff to each other. And then I told her . . . I told Katrina I hated her and I wished she wasn’t my sister,” Honor sobbed. “But I didn’t mean it. I swear I didn’t mean it.”

  Jade embraced Honor for a while then excused herself so she could read the letter Katrina had left for her. She closed the door then ripped open the envelope hoping for an explanation. There wasn’t one. Katrina said she was sorry and that she loved her and hoped one day Jade would be able to forgive her. She also wrote that there was a box in her closet and the contents were for Jade’s eyes only. And that was it.

  Jade had been so focused on her own hurt feelings that she didn’t recognize what was happening right in front of her. Loud sobs shook her body as she lay across Katrina’s bed wishing she’d been there the one time her friend really needed her. Maybe if she’d taken her call Katrina would still be alive! A knock on the door preceded Cicely’s entrance into her oldest daughter’s room.

  “I’m so sorry I didn’t help her. Please forgive me,” Jade cried out. “I shouldn’t have gotten so mad at her yesterday. I should’ve taken her call and . . .”

  “Umm, uh, baby, don’t you do that,” Cicely said, as she held Jade close. “Don’t you blame yourself because you not responsible for this, Jade. You hear me? You was the best friend Katrina ever had and she knew it too. We all know how much you loved that girl so don’t tear yourself apart for something none of us would’ve ever imagined. I’m her mama and I never thought she would do this! I didn’t know,” Cicely broke into tears, still holding Jade close to her. “I still can’t believe it. I just thought she was sleeping but when Raquel went to wake her up for dinner, Katrina wouldn’t wake up. The paramedics tried to work on her but it was too late. She was gone . . . just like that.”

  They heard voices coming from downstairs as more friends and family arrived. Jade needed to go home because she couldn’t handle a crowd. She grabbed the box from Katrina’s closet, said a quick hello to the people gathering in the living room, then she left. Pretending not to see Alonzo and his roommate pulling up behind her, Jade sped away. She cried herself to sleep as soon as she got home.

  Jade was awakened by Willa screaming and crying. Her newest boyfriend, who everybody called Parks, didn’t understand why she was so upset about Katrina. In his opinion, no one who was weak enough to take her own life deserved to be mourned! Willa was enraged and told him to get out. Then she went into Jade’s room and they cried together for a while and talked about Katrina and the things they’d loved about her. Suddenly Jade remembered the box and asked to be alone so she could go through it.

  She didn’t know what to expect and was completely surprised by what she found. It was a record of their lives together. Katrina had kept everything. There were notes they’d passed to each other in class dating back to second grade. She had the ticket stubs from each of the sixteen times Jade had dragged her to see The Last Dragon. Every card she had given Katrina as well as the dried rose petals she’d given her over the years were in the
box. There were also pictures of them together, some of which Katrina had stolen from Jade’s things. A memory book filled with snapshots, letters, and Katrina’s own writing where she’d documented everything they had done in all their years together. Jade was a blubbering mess by the time she got to the diary where Katrina wrote about both of their sexual experiences!

  “What the hell you write about my stuff for, tramp?” Jade giggled. Most of what she read made her laugh as she was reminded of things not thought about in years. What made Jade cry, however, was feeling like she’d learned more about Katrina in those few hours of going through her things than she had their whole life together! She thought and cared about so many more things than Jade had given her credit. And Katrina was wounded by things she never would have imagined. After reading through the pages of the diary, it wasn’t as shocking that she’d committed suicide. Katrina was depressed and miserable for years and only her diary was privy to that information.

  Just when Jade thought she couldn’t be shocked any further, she came across some books hidden at the bottom of the box. “Oh, lord!” she shrieked and her face turned red. There were three books, tutorials better yet, on how to drive a man wild in bed! Jade leafed through one of them but couldn’t bring herself to actually read it. She hid them in her closet with the intention of reading them when she got up the nerve. In life, Katrina had always tried to bring out Jade’s “freaky side”, so it wasn’t surprising that she’d done the same even in death.

  Willa and Cicely squeezed each other’s hand as they stood at Katrina’s casket for the final viewing. They still weren’t able to comprehend what had been so bad in her life that death seemed better.

  “I did love her, Willa,” Cicely sobbed, as she stared at Katrina. “I did. She was my baby,” she whispered then let out the saddest, most pitiful sound.

  “Oh my god,” Willa cried, shaking her head as she began backing away. “Ooh, lord, I can’t take this. I just can’t take this,” she sobbed.

  “I got you, Ma,” Landon said, half hugging, half holding her up. “It’s okay, I got you.”

  The jealousy Cicely felt overshadowed her grief and she began screaming at the top of her lungs! “I’m your mother, Landon, so why you running over comforting her? It’s bad enough you staying over at her house like you ain’t got a home but then you have the nerve to disrespect me at my daughter’s funeral! Who do you think you are, boy? You ain’t no better than . . .”

  “Calm down,” he grunted, through gritted teeth. “This isn’t the time or the place for that nonsense.”

  “Say what? Boy, who you think you talking to? I’m your mother and you will respect me!”

  “Or what?” Landon snapped. “You gone put another gash in my head with your two-by-four? Or you gone starve me again and give our food to your boyfriends? Huh, Cicely? Is that how you’re gonna make me respect you?”

  “Come on, baby,” Willa said, as she tried to pull Landon away. “Let’s go.”

  “No, Ma, I’m sick of her! I’m sick of watching her pretend like she actually gave a damn about Katrina when we all know she didn’t. She didn’t give a damn about none of us!”

  Cicely lunged at him but Willa jumped in the way. Alonzo ran over to grab his mother and told Landon to relax which only infuriated him more.

  “Let her go!” he screamed, pushing Willa’s hands away. “You jump over here if you want to and I’m a whoop your ass like I did the last time you put your hands on me! I told you I’m not that little boy you used to abuse anymore and I’ll kill you before I let you hurt me again! I wished I had before then maybe my little sister wouldn’t be lying in this damn box!” Landon cried.

  Responding to all the yelling, a few people came back inside the church. As sad as it was, some folks only went to funerals for the drama which usually came with it. Jade’s head felt like it was going to explode as she sat hunched over, sobbing in the front pew. Robert had taken Honor and Raquel outside to get them away from all the craziness. Landon was still screaming and crying as Willa and Alonzo tried to control him. Jade had never seen him that way and didn’t know what to do to help him. The whole situation was a mess and all the while Katrina lay there seemingly forgotten about. In just a short time she’d be laid to rest forever and it didn’t seem to matter. From the start of the funeral right until the end Cicely managed to take the focus from Katrina and put it upon herself. Friends approached the podium to say a few kind words and Cicely screamed or fainted or whatever she could do to get all eyes back on her. Even Katrina’s final moments in the spotlight were stolen by her jealous-hearted mother.

  In the midst of all the chaos, Jade sat staring at her friend remembering that the last thing she ever said to her was “I hate you!” She had kicked, punched, and screamed she never wanted to see Katrina again. And now she never would. Jade felt familiar arms wrap around her and she leaned into them and sobbed.

  “I’m here,” Dion whispered, as he kissed the top of her head. “I’m right here.” Realizing that the fighting between Landon and Cicely was only upsetting her more, he led Jade to the hallway then held her as tightly as he could. “I’m so sorry,” Dion said, gently stroking her hair. “I know how much you loved her.”

  “Quit pretending like you were ever a mother to us because you weren’t!” Landon screamed right in Cicely’s face. “Katrina is laying here because she’d rather be dead than live another day as your daughter! Do you not get that? All of us did whatever we had to do to get away from you,” he cried. “I hate you for what you did to us! I hate you!” Landon was sobbing uncontrollably at that point then he turned to look at Katrina and touched her hand. “I’m sorry, Kit Kat. I’m so sorry.”

  Willa took Landon into her arms and held on to him for dear life.

  “Why did she do this, Ma? She only had a few months until she was coming to live with me. Why didn’t she . . .” Landon nearly collapsed in Willa’s arms. “Why didn’t I just take her with me like she asked me to? Katrina begged me to come get her and I told her to wait until after graduation. I’m so stupid, Ma! I thought it was more important for her to graduate with her friends when I should’ve known the hell she was going through. I should’ve come to get her. Katrina needed me and I wasn’t there. I left her, Ma! I just left her,” Landon screamed then dropped to his knees sobbing so hard he could barely breathe.

  Willa knelt beside Landon and just held him as she had no clue what to say. Cicely stormed off to get into the limo and Alonzo watched silently as the funeral director rolled Katrina’s casket out to the hallway for the pallbearers to carry to the hearse. A few minutes later everyone was outside preparing to go to the cemetery.

  Landon, Robert, Alonzo, their older brother Eric, their uncle William, and Mooney loaded Katrina’s casket into the hearse. Hundreds of mourners, including Katrina’s father who she hadn’t seen or heard from in eight years, paid their last respects. A fellow classmate sang “You’re So Far Away” by Carole King, bringing everyone to tears.

  “Ashes to ashes and dust to dust . . .” the reverend was saying as the casket was lowered into the ground. On April 5, 1989, Katrina Sass was laid to rest.

  On June 16th, Jade cried during most of the graduation ceremony as she held Katrina’s locket in her hands. Despite everything they’d been through and all the things she learned from reading the diaries, Jade still missed her childhood friend terribly. It was unreal that Katrina was actually gone and Jade thought about her

  through the entire ceremony. Dion and Tawny tried to cheer her up but there was a big hole in her heart that no one else could fill.

  The day after graduation Jade announced to her parents that she wasn’t going to Indiana University in Bloomington as was planned. She was going to California to live with Landon! Miles went through the roof and forbid her to go. He thought it was ridiculous for a seventeen-year-old girl to be living with a grown man. And to Jade’s surprise Willa wasn’t too fond of the idea either. She loved Landon like a son but if there was one thin
g she was certain of it was that he was in love with Jade. Willa feared living in such close quarters completely unsupervised might lead to a relationship she wasn’t sure her daughter could handle or even wanted. However, Willa knew Jade well enough to know she was going to California with or without their approval so she made a deal with her.

  “Spend the summer with me. We’ll celebrate your eighteenth birthday together and have some mother, daughter bonding, okay?”

  Willa wanted the chance to have a real heart-to-heart with her daughter since she was certain Jade wouldn’t be returning to Gary, Indiana. And she didn’t blame her for that. Willa knew it was time to let go and allow her baby the chance to find her own way in the world and become a woman. So on Labor Day Jade said goodbye to her mother and boarded the train. She cried the first few days of her four-day trip letting go of all the baggage and heartache she’d carried for years. Jade made the decision to completely let go of her childhood, the junk she’d gone through with disloyal friends and cheating boyfriends, and any remaining feelings she had towards her parents. It was her chance to start a new life. And when she hopped off the train and into Landon’s arms, Jade planned to do just that. Union City, California was the place where she would make all her dreams come true!

  14

  Chapter Fourteen

  Unfortunately thing were not at all what Jade expected them to be. Her first dose of reality came when Landon led her inside his apartment. When he told her his rent was seven hundred dollars a month Jade imagined something luxurious and plush. However, there were no words to express what she felt when he showed her around what could only be described as a sleazy motel room! His “office” was nothing more than an old computer atop a rickety dinette table that was shoved into the corner of the smallest kitchen she’d ever seen. With only one bedroom Jade was stuck sleeping on the couch and stashing her things wherever she could find space, which was nowhere. She was so frustrated that she cried herself to sleep on what was supposed to an exciting first day of her new life.